The people who get you. The people you can talk about anything with, who you can turn to for advice or consolation or celebration. The people who inspire you & cheer you on in life and in business. The people you can really be yourself with... your soul tribe.
Where are they? Where do you find them?
I have struggled with this for a long time, and I thought I was alone in it, the one person who didn't seem to know quite where she belonged. But I've come to realise I am not alone in this. That so many of us are looking for those people we can really click with. But so many of us feel isolated.
Some people are so naturally extroverted and effervescent that they seem to just attract best friends left right and centre. And those of us who aren't like that feel like maybe there's something a bit wrong with us, or maybe we're just always going to feel a bit lonely.
But I'd be willing to bet that even some of the naturally outgoing among us, the ones with loads of friends, still get pangs of loneliness. Because there are friends, and then there are kindred spirits. Those people you just click with on another level.
Those people who feel like your souls are pieces of the same.
Society is somewhat to blame for how disconnected we can feel. We live so separately now, that to find community and connection takes a lot of effort, it's not so naturally built into our days. And even as we can share more and more of ourselves with more and more people through the internet, sometimes this is a double edged sword. Because though we can share so much, we are not always encouraged to share authentically. Not really.
Comparison comes into it so much, and we see the crafted images and advertising of others, and get an idea of how life is supposed to be. How we are supposed to be. And so even when we share ourselves, we tend to try to conform to expectations. We tend to try to live up to certain standards or mould our image to fit what's accepted.
Because with the ability to connect and be seen by more and more people in new ways, also comes the ability for more and more people to scrutinise and judge our lives. And we are acutely aware of this, so we protect ourselves.
And remain isolated.
My dream for the future is to live in a village setting, with a mix of both private and communal spaces, with plenty of natural interaction and sharing in all areas of life. If I won the lottery, I'd be buying some land and setting up my permaculture/co-working/artistic community village tomorrow!
But until then, what do I do? How do I start to find my tribe, both online and in real life? And how do break down the barriers and protections I've put in place to truly connect with them once I find them?!
Well, those are big questions, and questions I don't expect to be able to fully answer in one blog post. And it's not exactly a step-by-step process you can follow like a science experiment, and replicate someone else's results.
But this is based on the soul process I have been through - and sometimes need to remind myself to go through again regularly - that has expanded my life and connections several times now.
Once when I made the bold choice to go to Peru for 2 months, despite having a family and despite everyone else around me thinking I was crazy. I followed that call, and made some of the most life changing connections I've ever experienced.
And again more recently, when I took new risks and followed new heart-led paths in soul-based business. It's always an ongoing, evolving process of growth. But once you start, you'll be glad you did.
Your tribe is waiting. So here are some beginning tips for seeking out & connecting with your soul tribe, your soul sisters, your kindred spirits. (And yourself along the way.)
1. Make space in your life
If your life is too full of stuff you are holding onto that isn't serving you, it's so much harder for the stuff you do want to come in - and the people and connections you do want!
I recently noticed an immediate shift when I simply culled my Facebook friends list. I'd been leaving a whole lot of old connections on there, out of feelings of obligation and sentimentality, even though these were people I was never in contact with anymore. And worse, many of them on there made me hold back from certain things I might have otherwise posted or commented on, out of fear of what they would think.
Why was I holding onto old connections that served no one and held me back?
And this doesn't just to apply to your social media space. You physical space (home), your mental space (emotional baggage, limiting thoughts) - if these spaces are crowded with old connections and baggage and too much to deal with, you aren't going to have the time or energy to even notice new opportunities, let alone receive them.
So start creating space.
2. Go where they are
This may seem kind of obvious, but if you want to know more people like you, you need to go where people like you hang out, the events they attend, the spaces and places they inhabit.
If you're not sure where that is - which can be common especially if you're going through or have been through some soul changes, and are seeking out new connections for your newly refreshed self - you may not have been in the circles you most want to be a part of yet.
Try to have a look at a few people, perhaps through social media, who seem to be the kind of people you admire, and see what groups they are in, events they are attending or running and try to go to some. Even if it's out of your comfort zone. (Like a women's circle, yoga & meditation event, or even a longer retreat or workshop.)
3. Be yourself
Also sounds obvious. But if you've been trying number 2 above already, you may have run into this problem.
In practice, being yourself is trickier that in seems.
If you're an introvert, for one, putting yourself out there in new situations and meeting new people can be terribly exhausting. And it means taking a risk, because if you go to an event that doesn't turn out to be the right thing, then it can just deplete you without adding anything back in. Too much of that, and you quickly burn out.
And maybe that's where you find yourself at now. Social burn out. Emotional burn out from trying to be open and connect, and having it misfire too often.
If you feel like you've been striving or feeling desperate, you have probably been also putting on a front - trying to be your most social & socially acceptable self. Which may not even been quite yourself at all. We want so much to be accepted, that sometimes we hide parts of ourselves that we are used to being rejected. But this means, we don't truly give others the opportunity to know us.
So, this is where creating space comes in again. Giving yourself permission to take a break. Instead of following every lead, accepting every friend request, joining every group, going to every event - take a step back. Invite the right things to come to you.
Try releasing that and letting go. You could do a burning ritual, or set an intention on the next new moon. Then trust yourself to be open, and trust life to bring you what you need.
4. Start speaking your truth
Okay, so what does that even mean?
It may sound like one of those spiritual sounding cliches that gets thrown around, but bear with me. Speaking your truth, or standing in your truth, means embodying all that you truly are. it means boldness in your vulnerability. It means expressing what you really think & believe & want - both in what you speak and write about, and in what your very life displays through how you live and what you do.
If you've been doing the work on creating space in your life by letting go of the things that no longer serve you and things you don't want, then this is the part where you begin to invite in what you do want.
You can invite it through intention setting. Through the things you talk about. Through pursing something that makes you really excited and passionate, that maybe you've been putting aside because it's different or you're not sure what people will think. And it is invited in by how you choose to act and live.
You don't have to strive and force things to happen. But even small steps begin to bring in more of whatever you are now focusing on. It is a kind of co-creation with life. Because while creating space may seem somewhat passive, it is actually very spiritually, energetically and mentally active. You are giving yourself permission to notice and step into the opportunities that come your way.
Maybe they are new ones, but very often they were already there waiting, they were just obscured by all the other distractions.
And clearing space lets you begin to truly know yourself. And once you begin to know yourself and your soul, you can embody that.
And once you begin to embody your truth, your true self, you give others the opportunity to truly know you. You may find people you connect with who you didn't expect, because neither of you had shown your true self before.
And people living their truth seem to be like heat seeking missiles for each other. Synchronicities bring you together with others in such amazing ways. It's really quite fun to experience!
5. Embrace diversity
If you've been creating space, getting to know yourself better, inviting in what you do want - now is the time to keep your eyes, and your heart, open.
It can be tempting to go back into our shells, to retreat, to get discouraged. It feels safer in loneliness sometimes, because it's what we know, even if it's not what we want.
But if we can stay open, connection and opportunities come to us abundantly - just not always in ways we expect. Sometimes what we want and what we need collide in ways that make us step out of our comfort zones and challenge us to grow.
Always stay open to growth.
And sometimes what we want and need comes from a different direction or in a different package than we thought we were looking for. Friendship and connection is all the richer for diversity. Perhaps your field of view has been too narrow, expecting to feel most connected to people exactly like you. There may be people like this. But most often it is our difference as much as our similarities that make for the deepest connections.
People of other ages, stages and walks of life, from other countries, from other faith or spiritual backgrounds - you'd be surprised how different someone's experiences can be to you, and you can find a strong connection.
And don't expect all your connection needs to be met in one person. Sometimes you might find one person who is that deep, lifelong best friend material and you become inseparable. But sometimes that not necessarily what you want or need.
Different friendships and connections fill different roles. As long as they are all based on equal desire to be vulnerable and present and un-judgemental, you will find sources of connection that fill you in all sorts of different people and relationships.
6. Rinse and Repeat
The 'steps' above, or really the fluid process as it's not all done in sequential order like this, are a continual journey.
Relationships require work. Not work in the sense of just being a hard slog and draining. I've been there for a while, thinking that I was being a bad person if I wanted to walk away from a friendship. You aren't. Create space. It's okay to come to the point of knowing you need to walk away.
But relationships do require work in the sense that you've got to be continually willing to put yourself into it. To stay vulnerable. To stay present. To see yourself honestly, see your triggers and patterns. You will be continually learning when to stand up for yourself & when to hold space for the other person to express something.
And you will evolve over time. So will others. Sometimes the things that served us in one stage will fall away, making way for something new.
That can feel like we've gone back to step one. But look back and you will see how far you've come. You will see how it as all moved you so far beyond where you really started.
Embrace others with your whole heart, but don't cling so tightly to anything or anyone that you prevent them or yourself from continuing to grow.
Trust life will continue to provide.
Have you found your tribe yet? What has the process been like for you? Feel free to share in the comments! I would love to hear from you.
If you're looking for other "soulpreneurs"...
I'd love for you to come on by to the Soul Tribe Facebook group. Intuitive business advice and support.
A tribe for women in soul-based business - whether just starting out or doing it for years. A place of learning, support and community with people who understand that place where soul, passion and business mix.
If that sounds at all like you, and you want an intuitive business and life that flows - and you want to connect with others who get it - come check it out!